Had a discussion with Mum on Thursday. I finally got Mum to accept my future plans. Mum said I’ve never given her a clear plan, but that makes no sense. Anyway, now she thinks I did give her a clear plan, with my statement that if the folks can help me, I want to go to rehab, and afterward I want to do volunteer work or maybe start university in January, and that I also want to go out of the house by 2006 or early 2007 at last. Mum still annoyed me with her emphasis on academic challenge (as if I can’t study without being in college), her stereotyped idea of what rehab is like, and her looking for the “least bad” option (ie. university), while I want a good option that will get me to achieve the same, albeit a little while later.
Mum’s statements about how to determine whether I’ll be doing well in a setting seem to be inconsistent: she judged the schools for the blind by the fact that I never felt happy there (which is not completley true when talking about the last one), and is judging the rehab thing by the same measures, and yet she judges high school and university by whether I have remained there or will remain there with enough pushing. I’m not going to take her “I know what’s best for you”s anymore. All she knows are her priorities, ie. academics. I indeed used to have these priorities, but I’ve realized long ago that it takes more than academic knowledge to make it in “the big world” and I want those skills deficits of mine worked up before I’m going to get into yet another academically challenging but otherwise only doable cause people insist I remain there setting.
Mum fortunately gave me permission to agree with the folks if they drew conclusions I agreed with but she didn’t, but she wanted to be absolutely sure I wasn’t allowing them to draw incorrect conclusions about me. She took Mr. De B.’s statements as an example, when I’m often getting silent when difficult topics come up. Well, firstly the getting silent thing has to do nothing with not agreeing or not wanting to say something, but with not being able to explain something, and secondly Mr. De B.’s only conclusions I’ve disagreed with so far are those Mum agrees with. But, since I assured her I’m not going to let people stick paradigms upon me that are incorrect, and since she gave me permission to assess conclusions on my own, she pretty much gave me permission to draw my own conclusions and agree to others’ conclusions that I agree with, whether she agrees or not. That’s a good thing.
The best thing is that she is not going to kick me out if I’m “making myself useful”. I don’t know exaclty what’s her definition of it, but going to rehab, doing volunteer work, and college are all included. She said she was going to kick me out if I were acting negatively. I don’t understand what’s her definition of that: I know some things that fall under it (including my state over the last year), but I’m not sure where the line between making yourself useful and acting negatively lies, cause she said that some things “were not going to get me anything if I wanted a job” (apparently assuming I was never going to college), although she agreed I were going to do them, and yet she considers Sigrid’s work for the Dutch Youth League for the Study of Nature to be “making yourself useful”.
Sometimes, I think we’ve agreed to disagree, and yet at other times Mum seems to agree to an extent. I’ve dropped my expectation that she’s going to agree with my seekign help from an agency for the blind (she simply hates them cause a few people drew incorrect conclusions about me), but she’s at least apparently understood that I’m making my own choices and it’s not her business to make sure I’m happy about my situation, by whatever definition she uses. So overall I consider the disucssion I had on Thursday to have gone positively. Now the only problems are if the rehab centre can’t help me and how to get the same outcome with the school folk. That’s a bit more difficult, since it was Mr. De B., with his all-time social/communicative paradigm (what do you contact a rehab centre for if this is your paradigm, anyway?), who initially contacted the folks, and he still thinks those people can kick me to college by September. I’ll have to point out that I’m going to make clear my own ideas about the situation to the rehab folks, and that if they can help me, I’m going to do so, and if they can’t, that doesn’t mean I’m going to have to seek out everything by myself but I can seek out other things.