Coming Out Multiple

The theme for the upcoming Carnival Against Child Abuse, which welcomes submissions about multiplicity generally, will be Spring. That theme immediately made me think about the spring of 2010. In late March last year, I started coming out about my dissociative symptoms. At first, I shared with my psychologist that I was having depersonalization episodes. [...]

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Psychological Report

Last week, I received a psychological report by someone from the Center for Consultation and Expertise, which gets involved when long-term care agencies can’t handle complex care needs, like apparently mine is. The consultant psychologist had spoken to me and my team, and had administered a few psychological questionnaires. She had also analyzed the information [...]

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The Drawbacks of Participation

The upcoming Disability Blog Carnival will be hosted on the theme of “participation”. Participation is a somewhat tricky subject for me, as I lost my ability to participate in the non-disabled world in many respects when I broke down in 2007. Before then, I’d been on the surface a successful example of inclusion, having graduated [...]

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Diagnosis DID

Last Friday, I had a discussion with my psychologist and a psychologist specialized in EMDR and complex or early trauma in general. The aim of the discussion would’ve been to figure out whether EMDR would be for me, but we quickly found out that it isn’t. The reason is that I have apparently recently been [...]

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On Being Gifted and Disabled

I am what is politically correctly called twice-exceptional: intellectually gifted and disabled. The combination of these qualities has thrown me for quite a few challenges in my life. Mostly, it is impossible for most people to see both my intelligence and my disabilities, so they expect me to be either gifted or disabled, not both. [...]

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Three Years

Today, I have been in the mental institution for three years. This third year – which will be my last full year in this institution since I was accepted to the workhome -, was quite important. I made quite a lot of progress in trusting people. I came out multiple to my psychologist and primary [...]

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I Will Have a Place to Live

I have some exciting news to share. I went looking at a potential new placement last July. It is a so-called workhome, which is a sheltered living/working placement for autistics, usually in an institutional setting. At first, I was scared that I would not be good enough, but Clarissa, who is the insider that cares [...]

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The Things I Can Hardly Write About: Post-Traumatic and Dissociative Symptoms

I have been thinking a lot about some past events that may or may not be considered traumatic – everyone else does, but I feel ashamed to call what happend to me by such a serious name. Lately, I’ve had what may or may not be flashbacks – moments when I see images and feel [...]

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Benzodiazepine Withdrawal

Ativan withdrawal sucks, especially if you’ve tapered way too quickly. I was on Ativan 3mg daily for nearly three months before I decided I wanted to quit. My psychiatrist advised me to take the drug “as needed”, probably assuming I’d still need one or two tablets everyday for a while to curb my anxiety. But [...]

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“Exercise for Mental Health!”

Today, I swallowed my first antidepressant tablet ever, and I feel guilty. I currently read a Dutch book on antidepressants, in which psychiatrist Bram Bakker, among others, states his point of view. His opinion is that a stepped-care approach to depression means that people should first be steered towards exercise rather than antidepressants. Now I [...]

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