In my previous post, I discussed whether I’m exaggerating the effects of my traumatic experiences. This is a common theme for survivors of trauma. Often, we’re either told or think ourselves that we exaggerate or make stuff up. When dissociative identity disorder complicates the matter, this is even worse.
Some people deny that DID even exists, and believe it is created by unethical therapists. Other people diagnose it quite quickly or believe it’s significantly underdiagnosed. My opinion is somewhere in between, and I draw it from my own experience. I knew I was multiple for almost ten years before coming out to my current psychologist. I’d never seen a therapist when I realized I was multiple. I didn’t know I lost time, and, hence, didn’t believe I had DID, but I was told by my boyfriend that I couldn’t remember stuff when I switched some of the time back in 2009, before I’d come out. Consequently, I believe my multiplicity is real, whether it can be objectified or not
It is quite likely that an implicit memory test would reveal most, if not all, dissociators do know what their alters learned. In fact, there is research to this effect with a small group of DID sufferers. It is also possible – another research study that I forgot the reference to, claims this -, that time loss in DID is “simulated”, in that people score below chance level on a recognition task. I put “simulated” between scare quotes, because it is not a deliberate action, but possibly some kind of metacognitive problem.
All of this does not mean that DID is not real to the person who experiences it. And even if the multiplicity had been created by a bad therapist, that doesn’t mean the trauma memory has. Childhood trauma is very real and likely not recognized enough. Multiplicity is very real to the person who is multiple. Whether time loss can be objectified or not, it is real to the person who experiences it. Denying these things may look good for a legal psychologist like Willem Wagenaar – whom I otherwise hold in high esteem, by the way -, but it deeply affects survivors of childhood trauma, who’ve often lived their lives being told their truth is a lie.
I think that true cases of DID are rare. I’ve had DID for a long time and had no idea until my doctors told me about my history (profound abuse). I know I am real because I have medical records, doctors and the freaking FBI telling me that I am real…so I am inclined to believe that my (profound) abuse history if real…
“I know I am real because I have medical records, doctors and the freaking FBI telling me that I am real…so I am inclined to believe that my (profound) abuse history if real…”
Is nobody going to point out how fucking crazy this sounds? What do the FBI have to do with psychiatry?! See, Steph, I would think that having the FBI involved in your trauma should actually make you doubt your reality, not confirm it. Why would the FBI give a crap about the abuse that you went though? Don’t the FBI deal with national security? What kind of crimes has your father been doing?! Is he part of a mafia or something? A serial killer? A terrorist? Cult leader? WHAT?!
Supposedly, Steph is under the impression that her father is a murderer who raped her when she was 10 and he’s now living in a top security mental asylum and the FBI gave her a fake father and basically everything she told you about her family and her upbringing, etc, is a giant lie that was unbeknown even to her.
http://www.stephanielynnkeil.com/read/
Stephanie, I am willing to accept that you have psychiatric problems (just not the ones that you claim to have). I am also willing to accept that you may have been abused (I just don’t believe the story that you have told me).
MindBlind, this is a warning. I will leave yoru comment up as an example, but if you post comments questioning someone’s abuse again, they will be deleted. No-one should have to justify their abuse history. If you read this post instead of just commenting, you would’ve known that htis was the exact point. Abuse survivors have been told all their lives that they lie, and it is offensive to tell them that again over the Internet.
Stephanie, it doesn’t matter what the FBI or medical profession said – your truth is as valid as that of a person who has no exxternal evidence for whatever reason (there are many reasons other than the abuse n ot having happened that cause there to be no external evidence).
[...] gives her truth on dissociative identity disorder. It is quite likely that an implicit memory test would reveal most, if not all, dissociators do know [...]
Visiting from SITS. Your post topic is a bit too deep for me and outside the realm of my own understanding, but I gave it a shot. I wish you well.
I appreciate your sharing about this topic. My mom hasn’t spoken a lot about her diagnosis with me, but I know that she has had several different therapists give her a hard time about it and insist that it was not real or was planted by her first therapist. That seems to be such an unhelpful way to approach someone, especially considering they don’t really know the truth of what has happened in her life and what has happened to her psychologically.
You explore many of the central questions and issues. I am glad you seem to have a sense of stability in terms of how you see things for yourself.
I was in denial for most of my life. It took a switch in front of a therapist a few years ago and the consequent conversations helped me understand what was really going on. I knew I lost time. I would just “wake up” somewhere with no idea how I got there. I thought I ws crazy and didn’t want anyone to know but I never understood it to be DID or even knew that term.
I don’t think DID is like sybil – at least it isn’t for me. It isn’t as if I have other personalities – that’s such a misnomer in my opinion. It’s just that I compartmentalize events in such a way that even though I am still reacting to current situation as me, I am reacting to them without all the facts so the reaction is different.
If I remember that someone has abused me I am going to react to them differently than if I have no contact with those memories. It isn’t a different personality, just a different perspective.
good post.
I think this right here, “it deeply affects survivors of childhood trauma, who’ve often lived their lives being told their truth is a lie.” is so huge and so powerful and so true.
Thank you for sharing this with the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse
The effects upon abuse survivors is the key isn’t it. People can argue “Is it true?” or not. How it affects the survivor is what is really important.
Okay, Astrid, I think you seriously missed my point. I am NOT denying that she had been abused nor am I accusing her of faking mental illness. I think she is mentally ill and I am willing to accept some if not everything that she is saying, but what she is saying is so ridiculous that it can’t be true. The FBI have nothing to do with caring for the disabled. The FBI do not train actors to play the role of someone’s father. The FBI deal with national security.
I don’t expect her to give me evidence for her claims. In fact, I’m usually the one to tell everyone else to quit accusing strangers online of being dishonest (this includes Stephanie as I have defended her in the past). However, while I may be open minded, I am not stupid.
Also, just because I don’t believe in everything she’s saying, it doesn’t mean that I think she’s a fraud or that nothing that she’s saying is true or that she is not mentally ill. In fact, I could very well be wrong; perhaps she is some anomaly who has just happened to live the weirdest life ever. Unlike her, I don’t assume that there is some conspiracy on her part and it’s very hard to make me think that someone is lying without a damn good reason.
How dare you basically accuse me of victim blaming. I’m not like her.