Yesterday, another student who is in my CPH group approached me asking if I knew whether the trainer would be there today. She had been absent all week and no-one had heard whether she’d be there today. When having dinner, a residential staff folk told us that according to her, we could go home. I wanted to, but, being a nerd, decided to stay anyway cause the CPH might as well not be cancelled, and I wouldn’t want to miss it should we have CPH. At first, the Thursday evening was doubly boring - firstly cause Thursday evenings are boring anyway and secondly cause I knew I could’ve been home - but eventually I spent the evening till 11:45 playing cards and discussing politics with some other students, including two other CPH students. As I went to bed, I thought: “If we’re unfortunate, we’ll have to be at CPH training at 9:00 AM.” I got up at 7:20, as always. After breakfast, I asked a residential staff folk if Ellen would be there today. She didn’t know, but would call to find out. A while later, she came up to me to tell me that CPH would go on. I told the other students and so we were all there at 9:00. Then Ellen told us that she still actually didn’t feel like doing the training and if we were okay with it being cancelled and having an extra training either next Wednesday, the Wednesday thereafter or December 16, after the training has officially ended. This Wednesday, the next or the one thereafter didn’t fit with some of us - this Wednesday and November 30 not for me and November 23 not for another student -, but we were all fine with December 16. Ellen asked if it wouldn’t be a problem with our finishing dates, but mine is December 22 and all the others’ is sometime in January, so we were fine with the training being rescheduled. After explaining what we’d done last week to a student who hadn’t attended and all the discussion that came from that, it however was already about 10:15, so Ellen concluded correctly: “Hey, I notice I’m just training you.”
The student who’d explained her condition last week, told the other girl about doing so and some about her vision, as Kira has explained it. Ellen told about the other student’s explanation - cause he didn’t attend cause he’d thought it would be cancelled -, and I explained what I’d done last week. I tried to keep it short, cause most of what I’d done was related to explaining what I’d done two weeks ago, but it led to some discussion on my often talking softly - I’d been very loud in the political discussion, the other girl said (I know I am) - and its effects. It also led to another brief discussion on residual vision and using or explaining it. I feel that now that I’m so light sensitive, I have more trouble avoiding, physically, that I have some vision. This has the consequence that I’ll have to mention it more quickly, cause fi I’m going to sit in a college class with sunshades or very dark glasses on, professors may not approve of it. I said this was the only thing, and I didn’t really care about, for instance, the sidestreets thing. Ellen asked what was the difference, and I said that at times my light sensitivity requires some minor form of accommodation - cause even realizing that a sunshade is not meant to be “cool” or disruptive is some accommodation (though I don’t know of course how strict college professors are on such manners) -, while looking at sidestreets may just be “weird”. So is taking bread with nothing on it, and I don’t feel the need whatsoever to explain that - if there even were an explanation. But maybe the difference is just that I’m not that aware of things like the sidestreets stuff as I am of the sunshade/sunglasses/lighting thing.
Ellen also remembered my remark about the connection between explaining vision and poor adjustment. I explained once again that this once was the case - that I’d mention vision just cause I’d not accepted blindness -, that I’d then started to call myself “blind” and leave it at that, which had worked for 4 1/2 years till the light sensitivity worsened and hence I couldn’t avoid my vision physically anymore. As my writings on for example July 6, 2004 illustrate, I always felt strange about this, cause I saw a connection between emotional adjustment and physical accommodations that wasn’t necessarily there. Admittedly, in 2004 I did have some emotional difficulties, but I don’t now and the light sensitivity has only become a bigger issue. I contend that these two things may be related, but are still different. I know that I’m at peace with a very realistic explanation of my situation (as in the eval report), so why not use that as a starting point - what parts of that to explain and what not to explain, is part two.
Another student told us about a presentation she’d done for her sight trainer and needing to presnet her vision impairment with confidence. That got us into a talk about discussions we’d had and assertiveness. I somehow got to mention my still h aving some questions about my situation vision-wise and doubting whether to ask Kira or Mirjam about it, cause after all I’d had sight training and I still agree to Mirjam’s opinions about my vision (or rather, the lack thereof), but some things are just not clear to me after all. This other girl reminded me that even if you’ve had sight training, it doesn’t mean you have to have gotten rid of all your questions you’d ever have. She said that once we’re finished with rehab, it doesn’t mean we have to have all our answers about handling our vision impairment, does it? I think I’ll still ask Kira if she has time sometime.
Another woman talked about job interviews and that soemhow led to a discussion on notetaking. We got to discuss the negative message taking a portable tape recorder or a laptop with you would send. I personally don’t have a problem with laptops at all, but tape recorders can be annoying indeed. I mentioned never having had problems with people not wanting me to take notes on the computer or using a tape recorder, when I’d asked them in advance, but I admitted that at high school, my parents had mostly explained this stuff to teachers. Next week, both of us will bring in our laptops to see how it works.
