A person from the rehab centre called three times yesterday. Mostly about a low vision evaluation, when I’d last had one (1999), cause he thought it was last year but the medical records say I’m blind (how weird, if they, too, define blindness as no light perception). Also about health insurance and who was my family doctor. I’ll have to be at the centre this Monday at 10:00 AM. I’ll still get a formal invitation, which is probably going to arrive tomorrow.
Sometimes, I feel a little embarrassed that after six years I’m turning to the blindness field for help again. I’m still a little ashamed of it, cause when I left the schools for the blind behind six years ago, I was very skeptical about the field. I feel as if my decision to seek help from the centre for the blind signifies that I’ve failed somehow. Academically, I made it at high school (it’s very unlikely that I won’t graduate), but in many other ways I’m still very behind. That’s nothing to do with high school or with my family, but it’s a fact, and that makes me feel as if I’ve not succeeded at what was expected of me six years ago. I feel that if I were strong enough, sort of, I would be able to go to university. Then again I think that I’m seeking help from the centre cause I want to learn skills so I can make it better once I go to university. This is a difficult issue. I’m still feeling that it is some kind of weakness not to completely make it in the mainstream world, and I don’t know that this is quite an incorrect belief.