Astrid’s Journal

Last Monday, we had a party at my German teacher’s cause she’s resigning as a teacher at our school. In advance, I E-mailed the rest of the class cause
I thought it might be a good idea to carpool or if someone went by train if we could travel together. My Dad wanted to drive me, but of course he found it a better idea if I could carpool with someone else or travel by train. (I can normally travel by train on my own, but this route was very difficult,
so I had to travel with somebody else.) When I’d E-mailed my class and got no reply I informed my father (so he knew I’d tried, but couldn’t find anyone
to travel with). Then, my mother asked if I’d told the class that I had a guide’s pass. This is a public transportation pass on which someone can travel
for free if he is a disabled person’s “guide” (someone uses my guide’s pass always if I’m travelling with him, regardless of whehter he’s really guiding
me). I hadn’t. I namely felt this was really as if I were begginf if please somebody could guide me on my journey to the teacher’s. I found it was coming
across sooo helplessly - I did need some help on my journey by train, but I felt that mentioning I had the guide’s pass in that E-mail would be like helplessly,
hopelessly begging the others for some charity, and they could even travel for free, etc. Eventually, my father drove me, but if I’d travelled by train
with somebody else I’d of course let him/her use my guide’s pass (or we would both pay half the money), but I simply didn’t want to use it as an “incentive”.
Just wondering what you folks would do? I did encounter this situation also once last year, but this time my Dad asked a classmate if he could be guiding
me on our bus journey (we both went to a debate then) and he did mention the guide’s pass immediately. I felt pretty ashamed when I heard of it.

Astrid

Yes, I turned 18 today. My B-day was cool. I got a CD called “American Roots; Original Roots; Legends from the USA” with all sorts of American songs like gospel, blue grass, jazz etc. from Sigrid. I also got the audio book of “Ulysses” and a CD with the 1963 BBC radio version of “Under milk wood”. And oh, I nearly forgot, but I also got some maps of the USA. Pretty bad maps - eg. the folks don’t use the official state abbreviations (I found it saying MO where Missouri ain’t at all, but it was meant to be Montana) -, but I still like it cause I now know where all those states are. Uhm, what else? Some sculpture and a whole lot of sweets. And was that everything? Hmmm, I can’t think of anything else. Oh yeah, grandma Janneke from Zeist was over for the weekend and I got some cool stuff from her, too.

Of course, we also ate very much. Each year at my birthday, we eat the year’s first currants. I love those fruits!!! And we also hadpeanut brittles and puffs and strawberry cake. And yesterday we had my favourite food - chicken wings -, and spaghetti today.

Anyway, my birthday was pretty cool, and finally the weather was also good (when I was born it was extremely hot and everytime else it’s rainy and cold): about 75 degrees F I think (21 C or so).

Astrid

Was just re-reading some entries I wrote in my offline, Dutch diary back in 2002: the last finals week in 9th grade. I was reading about all those worries I had at the time because I might have to repeat 9th. It all seems so weird to me. I can’t imagine having a four as my grade average on English. I really can’t imagine how I acted in my 9th grade year. I have memories of teachers asking me each class if I fancied working this time, and me repeatedly, very curtly, answering “No.” And when I told a teacher I hadn’t done my homework - I usually was honest abut that, until it became usual -, the person replying: “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I’m most astonished about how I did on English. I just got ones (lowest grade possible) twice! How things have changed over a summer! And certainly over two summers: I have a nine now and plan to major in English at university!

I however also read some entries from earlier that year. Many tell about my issues. I can’t imagine some (eg. how extremely serious I took teachers’ comments that were somewhat related to my so-called “special needs”), but some issues sound just sooo familiar. I’ve pretty often compared 9th and 11th - the issues I had in 9th were more severe (even the issues I had with the “ladies” in March weren’t as serious as the issue with the “ladies” was in 9th) but 11th was more complicated (mainly just because it was 11th).

Sigrid’s just finished 9th, and that’s led me to compare myself from two years ago with her. Like, Sigrid had a nine on her last Latin test. On the one about the same subject I had a “no grade” (ie. the teacher found the grade to be so low, that she didn’t even count it).

It’s all so strange. This year, I’ve had times when the only reason I should learn for a test was morality, but in 9th I didn’t care about that till I heard teachers’ comments and then felt really bad. It’s all pretty weird. Now I’ll enter a new summer again. I’m curious about what I’ll conclude when school starts again. In 2002, I was really positive then; in 2003, I wasn’t really at all. I’ll just see.

Astrid

I suddenly realise how stupid it is that I passed this year! Now I’ll have to work my entire summer holiday. That f*cking final project on British Idealism, you know? September 1st will be discussion of the “research phase”. Well, it won’t be cause P. doesn’t do a f*ck of it except when I remind him six times. I hate it!!! I THOUGHT I could relax during my holiday, but just because I’m too stupid to find primary sources and P. forgot about it when he’d replied that he would try to help me another time (why am I not allowed to just forget the things I find too difficult? Not even now that I have moved up to 12th and can have summer holiday?). Dad suggested I look for things in university libraries. I don’t know how… I’m too stupid… He says I could’ve asked Postma (other philo teacher) or Van R. (multimedia centre person), but it’s now too late (although he also suggested I E-mail them and still now ask if they can help me)… It all sucks. I hope I can forget this entire stupid thing and not care about it till September 1st… Hate it!!!!!!! I can understand folks don’t help if you don’t ask for it and don’t remind you of things (some teachers did with the students whose projects they guide, but one in 11th should be able to plan herself), but I did come up with my questions and I did remind P. and it’s all sooo complicated and I’m going to fail on the entire thing and well I don’t care. Of course I do care. Well, then I don’t care that I do care. I’m such a stupid girl who can’t even do her academics (well, two nines, three eights, six sevens and two sixes, but who cares?)! Why don’t we get the info we need (I don’t even know the requirements for that “research phase” thing and there are about three things which you have to do otherwise you can start over)… Apparently students are supposed to have such rreat responsibility that they can do anything by themselves and teachers are only supposed to judge whether they did it correctly! Well, go away all thete southgs. I don’t want to think of British Idealism or the whole stupid project the entire holiday. I want to forget about tit till September, and then get really stressed, not now. I want to have holiday!!! No, I do want to work on that f*cked up thing, only if I know what to do, where to go. Anyway, if it appears the thole stupid project fails etc. etc., I’ll never choose another subject thich the teacher hadn’t heard of, and I certainly won’t have somebody guide it who loves challenging assignments, only if, as it comes across to me, they aren’t his own. Anyway, it’s only June 24. It won’t be September 1, let alone February 25 (when the f*cked thing has to be finished) for another long, long while and let’s pretend, like apparently everyone does, that I’ve never heard of the stupid thing. It’s sooo frustrating… I know it’s all my responsibility, but apparently we aren’t allowed to need help (or, if we ask for it, the teachers won’t do anything to help us). Will this of me reminding P. that we have to discuss some topic, then he forgetting it, then I reminding him again and we having a quick nonsense discussion with no outcome continue until Feebruary 25.
I’m afraid it will. Well, at least then I’ll have a possibility to stay on high school for another year despite getting too high grades in 11th to repeat it.

Astrid

ps - Mum reminded me that one ain’t allowed to do one’s final exam if one doesn’t have one’s project finished. As if that’ll suddenly make me understand the horrible thing and be able to do it.

Today I got my grades from this finals week that started last Wednesday (but we had two tests on Monday, too) and ended yesterday. They are all fairly good.

Dutch: that one was yesterday and it was a close reading test. It sucked pretty much and normally my experiences with close reading tests aren’t too good, but still I had an 8.4 (!!!!) and an eight on my report.

Literature: that’s a whole vague thing anyway. There was a list of grades hanging on a classroom door, but there was something wrong with my Dutch grades, but I couldn’t figure out what. (The teacher later E-mailed me my grades and that all was right.) I’ll just see what I’ll get on my report.

Latin: I found the test went pretty well. But as I also had a five last time which counts twice, I didn’t suppose I’d get a seven on my report (which I got last year, also due to a very good grade in the last finals week). Indeed, I got a 7.9 on this test, but only a six on my report.

English: I had the feeling my listening test and Friday’s reading test didn’t go too well. However, I don’t know what grades I got but Mrs. H. said I’ll have a nine on my report card. I don’t really care about what grades those tests exactly were.

German: I had the feeling as if my oral test last Wednesday went really horribly, and my reading test was probably so-so. The latter’s true - I had a 6.4 on it -, but the former ain’t: I had a 7.3. However, Frau Z. did say that I should expand my vocabulary and some prononciation. I’m not totally sure, but I believe I’ll have a seven on my report.

French: The reading test on Monday the 14th was really difficult. I also had pretty little time (but of course didn’t ask if I could have extra time, which Mrs. Van O. had just not thought of and I should’ve asked for). I had a 5.2 (just insufficient) for it, but will still have a six on my report.

Geography: I hadn’t studied too well for this test, cause I found the subject (environmental problems) to be boring. But last time I hadn’t studied at all and still got a 5.5, so I thought I should be able to get a reasonable grade now, too. Indeed, I got a six and on my report just a seven (6.5).

History: I usually have sevens or eights on history, but as I had a 4.5 for my first period test (cause I couldn’t think of a reason why I should study for it, and hence didn’t study), I’ve averaged a six since the third period (when I got a 7.7 for my test, and a 7.1 in the fourth period). I however got an 8.1 for my project on the book Oeroeg by Hella S. Haasse, and so I ‘ll get a seven on my final report, and, I think, as my school examination average, as we won’t have tests next year until our final exam.

Philosophy: it was a very difficult theme which we had to do (philosophical anthropology) and I hadn’t studied very well for it. The test appeared to be pretty difficult, but that’s compared to other philo tests. I had a 7.5 anyway (pretty low for philo, but still). I also had a project, which I did on Thomas Hobbes. I had an 8.3 for that and hence an eight on my report.

General sciences: One finishes this subject in 11th. I had supposed I would get a seven on my final report (and hence as the mark on my final exam), but as I got an 8.5 (totally by surprise) for this period’s test, I will have an eight!

Classical culture: I’m not really sure about that. I found Mr. B. and asked about my grades. I had a 5.2 on the fourth period test and an eight on my presentation in Rome. I also had a 7.8 last year which also counts for my final exam (we also finish classical culture this year), so the average will be a seven I think, but Mr. B. said he didn’t know for sure but thought something like 6.4 (so six). Well, I’ll see. (There are some issues cause I did some things differently and also missed a test last year and so on.)

Economics: I had a 6.8 on each of the other two tests. This one didn’t go really well, but I still had a 6.1, so I’ll have a seven on my report, which I find pretty cool.

Math: That’s really sooo cool!!! I had a 9.3 on my project, which I did with Elise and Annemarie (for this project, we had to write math lessons for the 8th grade and also give two lessons). Then I also got an eight on the test (which I certainly hadn’t expected!) and therefore on my report I’ll get a nine!!!

Wow, I haven’t had nines on my report since eighth grade and now I have two of them. How cool!!! And also eights on Dutch, philosophy and general sciences! And sevens on (I think) German, literature, geography, history, economics and maybe classical culture. And finally, two sixes on the subjects I’ve called my relatively weaker subjects ever since last year: French and Latin. But Latin could’ve been a seven, had I done my best on the fourth period test.

So, Next year’ll be 12th. My last year at high school. Pretty scary. But I’ll first have a long summer holiday!

Read over my response to Robert Leslie Newman’s Thought Provoker entitled The Road Best Taken. In the Provoker, two blind people are conversing about the jobs they want to have: one wants to work in the blindness field and the other wants to have a “normal” job. They both give arguments of why they choose their respective career paths, and then people respond to this issue. I responded that we need both blind folks who work in the blindness field and blind folks who have “normal” jobs: the blind people in the blindness field can make clear what abilities blind people actually have and hence advocate for the needs of blind people - cause most agencies assume blind people don’t need advanced services (like libraries only offering old-fashioned books, cause they don’t realise the blind need modern books). And the blind in other fields can show society what blind people can accomplish - ie. they can hold “normal” jobs.

I also reread my response to Thought Provoker 72. The situation in this Provoker is that of a couple of which one is blind who want to adopt a child, and it questions whether blind persons have the same chance of adopting children the sighted do. I can be pretty straightforward on that: they don’t. I once discussed the topic with a blind acquaintance of mine who wanted to adopt a child, and as a rule blind folks aren’t allowed to, cause it’s thought they can’t build stable families. In my response I made clear how stupid I found this assumption. And I really think that whether someone can adopt a child doesn’t depend on one’s amount of sight.

Then I also reread the Thought Provokers 06 and 78. They both discuss so-called “overly-protected” children. In Thought Provoker six a night-staffer at a camp mumbles about an 8-year-old boy who can’t dress himself, and accuses his parents of over-protecting him. In TP 78 two children are portrayed: one, Timmy, is not expected to do anything for himself: his Mum dresses him, prepares his food, and his Dad guides him on holding hands when they walk to school. Another kid, Angie, is expected to dress by herself, prepare her own cereal, and walk to school using her cane. Then, as the kids are both in class, the teacher introduces a new aide to the kids and informs the aide of the kids’ totally different attitudes and learning styles. Then we see how Angie and Timmy are playing in a playhouse: Angie does virtually everything for Timmy.

I found mainly Thought Provoker 78 to be very stereotypic: it just shows what all the literature shows, that “overly-protected” blind kids are worthless folks who can do nothing for themselves. The story could’ve provoked thought, had it not been so one-sided: what on Earth does the inability to pour juice in a playhouse have to do with learning styles? I’d loved to see the kids do some acadeic thing, and then it doesn’t even make a difference who’s better - that could be discussed.

As I read through all this, I found how difficult it was to match all these opinions of mine. On the one hand I find it stupid that folks in services assume we can’t lead normal lives and that agencies assume we can’t for example adopt children. But on the other hand each time there comes up a topic on the so-called “overly-protected” blind kids, I’m the first to write a depressed response of how stereotypic this is. I have really no idea of how this all tallies… I don’t know… I know that there are blind folks who can lead normal, fulfilling, productive and happy lives… but why does it make me feel so depressed when I read about all these so-called “overly-rpotected” children?? Not for the reason that many blind folks feel bad about it - that this is an all too familiar story: they are fortunate not to be such folks, but all too many folks are… I want to be a normal person just like all the blind adults I meet on the lists, but I am not… and I feel totally deflated when kids who are behind in daily living skills are discussed… cause invariably they’re said to be spoilt or protected and that too little was expected of them… Is this true for me, too? And if it is, why do I even find some expectations currently set upon me to be sooo difficult to meet?? It’s all sooo confusing…

I don’t know what I shall write… too many questions keep spinning through my mind and it’s all sooo complicated… I wrote on the BlindKid listserv about the articles in Future Reflections I’d read… Some of the responses are more confusing than I felt before… Of course, the post I wrote was more personal than that it actually made a meaningful statement. I know it said more of me than of the articles, but that’s what even complicates things further… I’m not disagreeing with the articles cause I feel blind foks shouldn’t be expected to accomplish great things. Many times have I described the articles as “depressing”. Not cause I don’t believe folks can accomplish these things, but simply cause I don’t. Some of these articles describe the accomplishments of blind toddlers: some things, which I at almost 18 haven’t even accomplished. That in itself - being behind in daily living skills - is depressing. But so are those feelings that I have… it all makes me feel as if I’m less worthy than the blind folks in the articles (remember, they are REAL people), just cause I haven’t accomplished what those people/children have. At first I liked NFB attempts to educate society of the capabilities of blind people - some people have just such exaggeratedly negative ideas about what the blind can do. But now there are blind people who seem to tell me that… uhm, what did I want to say?? It’s confusing… can’t follow myself…

One of the folks who replied to my posts apparently had read my article What I Realised and she was more critical of the conclusion I drew then of the rest of the article. (Well, apparently she didn’t notice that the article described three years, but that’s a whole other thing.) She said it’s no-one’s right to be helped. That’s true as how she explained it: that it’s a gift when someone offers help to somebody else. At least, if I have to regard that saying as that help is not something one should take for granted, but that I should be really appreciative when somebody offers help. Hmmm, it’s confusing. The people who replied to my posts just combined many, many statements, all of which are true but some that seem to be totally contradictory… In some way, for example, the statements that it’s no-one’s right to be helped and the statement that one shouldn’t pretend not to need help indeed don’t contradict each other - when one asks somebody to help him/her, one indeed should be very appreciative when that help is offered and not think it’s “just one’s right”. However, I may be able to theoretically - linguistically and philosophically - be able to prove that the statements people made don’t contradict each other, but practically they make up some totally incomprehensible network of statements and hence “rules”, that apply in so many again different situations that I can’t make any sense out of it.

A while back, I started with an update on “What I Realised”. I started the article with the statement that there are two very essential things one should realise in order to be successful as an “integrated” person with a disability: first, that it ain’t bad to have so-called “special needs” (the NFB folks would probably totally disagree there), and second that one should however still be as “normal” as possible. Even if these two things are the only two basic realisations one should have, they seem to be contradictory, and if they aren’t, the combination of the two realisations has made me feel extremely bad.

I also re-read my article The Essential Feature of Blindness. I feel ashamed about it… Boy, do I ever devalue competent blind folks! Mostly, cause to me it seems too much as if I regard my own difficulties as difficulties every blind person has. The - very short - article is meant to display that it is impossible to give an essential feature of blindness in two ways: first, the assumptions of sighted people regarding blind people’s inabilities (folks asking if my house has stairs, etc.), and second, the things I can’t do, although I feel their essence ain’t sight. And mainly the second one is to be ashamed of: I can’t do something of which the essence ain’t even sight, while I actually should be able to with some mystical compensatory skill be able to do even the things of which the essence is sight!

Anyway, I feel totally confused… and extremely bad… What I realised in the summer of ‘02 and then was happy about that I’d realised it apparently is something one shouldn’t realise… and how on Earth can I appreciate the sighted folks’ helpfulness, while I apparently am not allowed to need that help? I have really no idea of how this all tallies.

Astrid

I just read this article in the winter 1998 issue of Future Reflections. The entire issue focuses on children with multiple disabilities - didn’t know that when I read this article yet. Some of the statements made in the article, and in others across the issue, are just sooo depressing! Unfortunately, the person who once asked the BlindKid listserv members what one could expect of a blind former preemie, didn’t respond when I made clear my ideas on labelling and the concept of multiple disabilities vs. blindness as one’s only disability, and Gary Wunder, who wrote the article I just read isn’t on that list - and if he is, doesn’t write anything on it.

Anyway, the article describes Gary’s experience while speaking at an NFB Convention Parents Seminar. He spoke of the topic of age-appropriate skills/behaviours and hence of age-appropriate expectations. At the end of his speech, he asked why the parents of teenagers hadn’t brought their kids along to the seminar - he meant to state that it’d be age-appropriate for them to do so (I don’t know why, sighted teens don’t attend parent seminars, do they?). Then many parents reacted that that wouldn’t be possible and talked about the toys, diapers etc. - Gary had been speaking to parents of teenagers with multiple disabilities, who sometimes mentally resembled infants. Then he tells us how embarrassing that revelation was and it seems as if he feels he’s ignored those multiply-disabled folks in his speech.

Then he makes some statemtns that really hurt me. He states that we should push those kids that can be integrated into the educational system and the workplace, but also care about and send ourlove to the parents of those that can’t. I know that multiply disabled kids undergo many interventiosn, too, and relatively expectations may be higher than those of people whose only disability is blindness, but this article - and many others that have appeared in Future Reflectuibs - just comes across to me as if those whose only disability is blindness are regular folks and if they aren’t they should compensate for their disability in some magical way, and those with more than one disability are really, really poor, helpless kids. It’s sooo stereotypic! (And THOSE want to defeat stereotypes!)

I know that there’s a huge difference between me and the teens discussed in the article - they may never be able to count to 10 or know the alphabet, let alone that they’ll ever understand what their parents discuss on a parent seminar or in the Future Reflections. There’s virtually no discussion of academically ABLE blind folks who may have some not so age-appropriate issues. Casually, there appeared an article on a recent high school graduate who had multiple disabilities (indeed, they had labels) in the recent issue. Basically, the mother worried about her going to college (she’d graduated frm HS with honours) and discussed the daughter’s need for blindness skills training and exposure to the “real world”. Hmmm, apparently it’s all IQ that makes the difference - well, this girl was described with some more compassion than the average blind teen who is delayed in blindness skills (the usual reaction is that too little was expected of them or that they were spoiled or whatever) due to her multiple labels, but not much. Apparently, the NFB folks never considered the possiblity that an academically/intellectually able child may have difficulties in other areas.

Sooo, mental retardation is an essntial feature of delayed blindness skilsl! And just because I tested in the highly gifted range means that if I don’t understand a daily living skill I’m just spoiled… Okay, and high expectatiosn will suddenly get me to understand the things? I don’t know what are reasonable expectations and I don’t know how they should be kept (my parents don’t expect less of me than they do of Sigrid), so I can’t say.

Oh by the way, the NFB seems to think it has a positive attitude towards blindness, but it perceives attitudes in society it doesn’t have. In an article on job opportunities for blind folks or something like that it was stated that usually when people encounter a blind child the first thing they think, is: “How can I help this dear, poor, helpless child?” Apparently NOPBC people can read others’ thoughts, as I’ve never noticed such an attitude.

Astrid

Today I had a quarrel with Sigrid. We were going to the petrol station, cause we both wanted candy (shops, of course, are closed on Sundays). Then when we’d bought the sweets we went on our way home and I fell, it hurt and there was a hole in my trousers. So I was somewhat upset and screamed “ouch” and got a little bit upset with Sigrid cause she immediately said: “Then you should’ve used your cane!” as if I were hurting her. Sigrid got really pissed off cause I’d drawn attention to her by falling (she reasoned that cause I was falling while Sigrid was guiding me, people would think it was her fault) and cause I screamed. She found it stupid that I’d said “ouch” and that I was a bit upset with my trousers being busted. Then I got really, really upset with her and screamed very loudly to her, cause each time she was saying I blamed her, while that wasn’t true and she was making me feel stupid cause I hurt. But Sigrid wouldn’t listen to me and she left me alone. So I crossed the street and was totally lost. But I didn’t care. I walked on for a long while, not crying and trying not to walk in circles - cause that’d draw attention to me and I didn’t want folks to help me. As I walked on I thought over the quarrel: I found it stupid how Sigrid acted, as if I was hurting her by falling and as if I were the most pathetic person when I said “ouch” and grunted a bit about my trousers (they were my favourite ones). But to some extent I DID realise that it was me again who’d behaved badly - not Sigrid. She’d screamed to me, but still… The way Sigrid acted to me appeared as if she was the “wise, big sister” who knew everything and was going to punish me for showing bad behaviour - on walking away - for a short while, but as she returned I later heard I was already gone (that approach makes me feel even more as if she knows perfectly what’s the right behaviour and I don’t). After about one and a half hours I started asking people for help getting home. Many didn’t know the way, but when I was at a street near mine someone helped me get to the street and someone else helped me to my house. We’ve not - as I’d expected - had long arguments afterward.

Astrid

Wow, I haven’t even written about philo weekend yet! I’ve been sooo busy lately. Am still, but right now it’s night so I’m not busy at the moment, haha. Nights are good for doing things one likes (but when does one sleep, then?).

Anyway, philosophy weekend was soooooo cool!!!!!!!! We arrived Saturday June 5th at around 10:30 on a farm near Heereveen, (a town in the province of Friesland) where we’d do the weekend. At first, drinking coffee and going for groceries. Then we had lunch and afterward the first seven presentations were done. I liked them quite a bit. (I was on Sunday.) The classmates had to give grades so Sophie wrote down the grades I gave: the lowest was a seven and the highest 8.5, and Sophie could give herself an 8. Then me, Mr. P., Wiegertje and Sophie played a game of old maid with philosophers. There were pretty few British philosophers among the sets!

Then we had a barbecue and I demonstrated what an extreme eater I am: whenever someone asked me if I wanted a hamburger or a sausage etc. I said yeah, and that was really cause I wanted it. Haha! At the end, when Matt asked me if I wanted a sausage, I said: “Yeah, of course.” Hehe, lol. We also had marshmallows, which are very delicious!!

Then we did a “quality game”. No, that’s not an extremely good game (well, it was funny, but that’s not what I mean), but a game about qualities. There were 72 cards with on each a characteristic (positive on part 1 and negative on part 2). We used only 65 of them as the group consisted of 13 persons and we had to divide them equally, so everyone got 5 cards. At the beginning, one has to pick one of his cards and lay it down as his own, and he should explain why that quality fits him. That card is then out of the game. He also has to pick one card and pass it on to somebody else, again with an explanation. That card is still in the game, until someone who got the card laid it at his own place. This goes on till all cards are laid down somewhere. It was pretty funny: at times, particularly with the negative qualities, we didn’t know whom to pass the card to, so we said we’d decide to throw it into the fire basket. But yeah, Poortvliet didn’t agree. By the way, I got pretty many cards I indeed kept for myself. Some positive and (at least) three negative ones, at which the folks started their explanations with: “Cause in 7th and 8th you…” and I thought “yeah, and in 11th.” Haha it was pretty funny anyway.

We stayed up till about 3AM listening to Dutch pop songs (Guus Meeuwes, Cluso, that kind of stuff, pretty cool to sing along with, although it’s not really beautiful). Very fun to sing “Het is een nacht” with a whole bunch of girls, most of which were a little bit tipsy (in fact, I was the only one who really hadn’t drunk), so VERY corny!! I slept at about 3:30 or 4AM and we had to wake up at 8:30. Many started with a fresh plunge into the lake nearby, but I found it to be too cold. We had brunch at about 11:00 and went on with the presentations afterward. Mine about Hobbes went pretty well. Later Poortvliet had calculated our grades and I had an 8.2!!!! The lowest grade was Matt, cause he really hadn’t done his best (althoguh I’d given him a 7 for doing his best to get an excuse for his poor performance, haha). But anyway, everyone got sufficient grades (who would give a classmate an insufficient grade? well, some did with Matt, but still I think he’d gotten lower when Poortvliet was to give grades).

We started with a socratic discussion on the question of how to get a good life, but we pretty much kept talking in circles and it was pretty boring. Sometimes, socratic discussions can just be sooo boring when you can’t agree on definitions! So Ditha wanted to play the “quality game” again (she’d only parttaken in the thing with negative qualities, cause she arrived Saturday evening), but I was the only one who wanted to play it, too, and with two people that’s not possible (I imagine us passing cards to each other and not being able to agree on who deserves it, haha!).

We left at about 6:00. I was pretty tired, so it was good that I arrived home at about 7:30.

Astrid