Dear Diary,
I don’t think I’m like the typical self-injurious person, but anyways. I have only cut once, but do other self-harming behaviours like biting my hands or banging my head against doors etc. I used to bang or hit my head when everyone could see it, but right now I only do that when no-one is around. I’m almost
17 so I know it doesn’t look good to others seeing someone bang her head against a door or something. Biting my hands is something I still do, even if
everyone sees it.
This lets others say: “Yeah, she likes having pain.” My Mum always gets angry when she sees I’ve bitten my hands. However, I DON’T LIKE IT!!!!!
To me, my self-injurious behaviour is a more severe version of spinning my hands round or pulling my hair – things I many times do. It is something to throw
off the frustration I feel. When great amounts of noise, happening etc. overwhelm me (which occurs quite easily) I will show these movements to get off
the stressed feeling. Self-harm to me is not to get attention or cause I like pain, but to get not frustrated anymore.
But how can I show my parents it’s not for attention or anything… I completely realize it’s not normal to do such things, but I simply feel frustrated…
And my parents will simply call me “psychotic” or something like that (which I defintely am not). I don’t ask they understand my behaviour – I just wish
they didn’t act as if I injured others, cause I injure myself and if they don’t want to understnad the reasons for that, they don’t need to, but it’s my
concern.
ps – yeah, parents can get worried from a daughter injuring herself, but simply calling me “psychotic” won’t let me get over it.
Ooops… this is a very depressing, weird entry, but anyways.
