Astrid’s Journal

Well, there used to be very little rain here in the Netherlands over March and April. It of course was nice, as we usually have lots of rain here. But the garden of course didn’t like it at all. Well, today there finally became rain… and not very little. In some places there also were whirlwinds, which caused some roofs to come down so that in a village called Geldrop five people got injured.

Well anyways, in one dessert it hasn’t been raining for fourteen years at all. We usually get much more rain, but indeed these months were quite dry.

Bye! Astrid

And yeah, we got a new school project, this time for history. and, as that counts for almost every other school project, I have no group to work with. We need two- or three-person groups. This might be easy, I thought, but the initiative I took to form a group wasn’t bigger than it used to be: nothing.
And of course, I’m not popular enough for others to ask me. This last phrase ain’t meant to complain, cause I don’t feel lonely at all. However, what nearly 17-year-old can’t form a group to work with on a project? I’m good enough at history, that’s not the point, but this… f*cking probs on this far too important
subject: socializing with others, making contact, whatever you want to call it. There’s no-one, except for me, that has done anything wrong.

And indeed, this morning, when the forming of groups needed to be done, I again wondered: what the hell is wrong with me? Am I the only 16-year-old with
these problems? And if I’m not, where can I find others like me? Finding people who share my problem has always helped me, but when I don’t know what’s wrong…

And I feel embarrassed. What will my teacher, Mrs. Uil, say when we have history again (next Friday)? She of course will have noticed that I don’t have
a group. I feel so ashamed for my teacher and my classmates. They are reasonably nice, but I’m the one that’s doing something wrong.

Am I really so unkind that no-one likes me? Is that the reason why I don’t have a group? But why didn’t my classmates complain to me about what they thought
of me, then? They’re 15 or 16 years old! Or was it just my not taking enough initiative? I have no idea and I wanna know! I hate projects: I’m good at
the subjects and quite willing to work, but on these weaknesses of mine projects always go wrong in the first course.

Astrid, a “fairy child” who doesn’t know what’s wrong with her and who wants to know that soon

Easter really sucks. I have lots of homework, but I can’t make myself do it. I don’t feel like working; I have the idea that the work’s far too difficult.
Very often it occurs that I can’t set myself to work, cause it feels to me like insuperably hard. MOstly it ain’t as hard as it appears to me, but the
feeling keeps me from starting. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can set myself to work?

It’s also boring at home. It’s always boring. I sort of live online, while my Mum’s in the garden, my Dad’s everywhere and nowhere and my sis is at her
boyfriend’s. I think it’s me hiding from the rest of my family, but when I come downstairs, everyone seems to be grouchy or just very happy when I’m sad.

Ah, what am I complaining about? I don’t know, but I feel quite sad these days.

Anyways, now I need to fill in reading forms for German. They appear to me like the most difficult assignments I’ve ever had, and the bad thing is: they
are difficult. Not the reading, but the filling in of the forms. I really don’t feel like doing it now.

Dramaqueen1986

Over the past five years I’ve been searching for an explaination for my behaviours and (social/emotional) probs. between, to be exact, August 8, 2001 and
June 16, 2002 I was convinced that it was the bad attitude I had against my disability that made me aact that way. Before I’d thought of several options,
including, for one year and a half between January, 1998 and August, 1999, an autistic disorder. However, I didn’t know much about it (in fact, almost nothing), so these were nothing more than ideas about too serious subjects for the seriousness of the assumptions. I’m ashamed of that so deeply. However,
since June 16, 2002 - when my Dad called me autistic for the first time -, I started assuming it again. This time, I searched for info on autism/Asperger’s, and I noticed I recognized very much in these descriptions, mostly the descriptions intelligent autists wrote themselves. Of course, I’ve also thought
of simple puberty and such things, but I didn’t seem to be like the teens that are teased for any or no reason and think the teasers should look to their
inners (they aren’t others, it’s me that has trouble socializing with others). Also, in these autistic people’s descriptions I recognized much more than their trouble making and keeping friends. However, I still find autism too serious to tell my parents about my assumptions and I’m afraid they’ll judge
me. I know I should tell them, but I don’t know how…

Hi all!
Wow, how long have I been off? Nearly half a year I suppose. And we still don’t have a real government here in the Netherlands. And I think we won’t get
it soon, either. Nearly three months ago, on January 22nd, we had elections for the Lower House, in which the Christian CDA and the social-democratic PvdA
turned out to be the biggest parties, having respectively 44 and 42 of 150 seats in the Lower House. So, they logically needed to form a government. However,
as the CDA before the elections had already said that it much rather wanted to govern with the conservatively liberal VVD than with the PvdA, they didn’t
start off good in their attempt to form a government. The formation already seemed to have failed when the PvdA didn’t want to support the war against
Iraq politically (which I find they are right by, but the CDA is for this war). However, still the PvdA admitted somewaht to the CDA because “when he needed
to choose the leader of the PvdA was pro America.” (yeah, of course, who’s pro Saddam?)

Anyways, they started talking about other things, but now the formation has failed because of disagreements regarding the financial policy. Because the
economy ain’t going very well (relatively!) the CDA thinks we should cut down, while the PvdA doesn’t want the poorer people to be touched by that (by
which I agree indeed).

Today the persons who try to help form the government (there’s no English word for that) and the CDA and PvdA negotiators decided to end the formation.
I find it so ridiculous that they can’t get over their disagreements. A coalition needs to be formed through compromises, so why don’t the parties want
to admit somwhat?

Maybe this is the only advantage of a voting system like that’s in America (I don’t know what it is called), but I dislike the fact that then a government
only includes one party, which then nearly can do whatever it wants. Also I think it’s unfair for smaller parties, cause they can’t become bigger.

The big question now is, how should we now form a government? No-one wants new elections, so there needs to be found a new coalition. However, the CDA and
VVD don’t have the majority of seats in the Lower House. Therefore, there needs to be found a third party to govern together with them. The democrats D66
don’t want (logically, as they have only 6 seats) and the LPF (List Pim fortuyn), which now has lost 70% of its seats and has only 8 wants the CDA and
PvdA to try to still form a government. And I think the smaller christian parties (respectively 3 and 2 seats) don’t want to govern (haha, 2 seats and
then be on the government, how ridiculous, but I live in a ridiculous country, lol!). I think however that the CDA and VVD will form a government together
and the economy will only become worse because of the huge cutback and then the government will fall (as my father says), because there’ll come big protests
and strikes. I’m curious when we’ll have formed a new government and how long it will govern. By the way, the VVD first wants to know all facts about the
failed formation before trying to form a government with the CDA. (They don’t nessecarily need a third party, cause every government can govern provided
it ain’t sent away by the Lower House.) Anyways, I’ll see what happens.